Quotes from Sally

Just found my notebook where I took notes when Sally shared her journey with us. Here is a challenging quotes:

My purpose is to raise kids who are passionate about something other than what they own or to whom the are connected.

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The middle-class frenzy is all about making sure our children get the best. What would be nice for our children isn't necessarily what God's best for them is.

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The temptation is to make a plan so our children don't feel the pain (of hard life situations), but if we make a plan they will never develop a backbone. We want them to experience justice at home, but the world we live in is just not a fair place. We need to help our children to process the unfairness, rather than facilitate it so they don't have to experience any injustice. This is such a disservice, rather see these moments of injustice as opportunities for learning.

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You take away the power of key life lessons if you continually plug away at them before your child is ready to engage with them.

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Its not really about taking a stand

Linked to what was highlighted in a previous post, Sally shared that as we live out our values, they become our norm, they become what our family does. Sally has seen how her kids are informed by their family environment as they grapple with peer pressure and choosing friends and deciding if they should also start swearing or not! It is not necessarily the verbal stands that she and her husband have made that influence her kids, rather it is every-day, small decisions made over hundreds  and hundreds of days that turn into deep rooted family values.

So sharing your heart for justice is NOT so much about taking a stand - "we in this family are going to love the poor" or "we are taking a stand against materialism" - it is, as mentioned before, all about how we as parents live our lives in the everyday. And as mentioned, to give ourselves the space and opportunity to live our lives according to our values, we need to free up our time and money to do so.

Live it

Your child will learn more about sharing by watching you take off your coat and give it to a cold street person, than by all the teaching and bible stories you can tell them.

So live your values.

Spend more time praying through and being intentional about living what you believe, than stressing about how to teach your kids to do so.

Especially when they are small, when language is not their primary way of learning, they will pick up life lessons by seeing what you do and how you respond. They take note of the way you show respect to the beggar rather than ignoring them. They watch you sweat as you lay bricks at a volunteer house build. They experience God by sitting along side you as you pray in your moment of pain and angst. Every day they observe you as you engage with this world according to your values.

And when they get older - the stories, the teachings, the values that can be verbalised will hang seemlessly on the life experiences that they have LIVED WITH YOU.

Being OK with being misunderstood

Walking upstream means making choices for yourself and your children that other people will not understand. Even other Christians. Sally shared some funny and also some not-so-funny moments when others - including a long time friend & a well-meaning sports coach -  just didn't "get" her or her family's choices. Sometimes there is space to really share one's heart. But sometimes it is OK to just be misunderstood. There is a freedom that comes from not always having to justify one's self and one's choices. Free to just follow God's promptings.

It's for our kids best?

I have - frustratingly - lost my notebook that I used to capture the thoughts of Sally who shared with us moms last month. So will have to write from memory.

Sally is a mother of 4 beautiful kids; ages ranging from just-starting-school to just-starting-teens. Sally and her husband have been deeply moved by Jesus' love for them and for this world. This has birthed in them, and Sally in particular, deeply compassionate hearts. Add to that a strong ability to reflect and discern; as well as a willingness to think differently, and to step out of the comfortable places to walk in obedience and faith. And what do you have is a really inspiring mom who is intentional about raising her kids to love others.

I will share with you what struck me as she related her parenting journey and learnings. Please - if you were present - feel free to add more.

Sally rightly points out that our time and finances are finite. If we allocate all our time and finances to ourselves, then it will be really hard - if not impossible - to be generous. If being generous is your value, it is helpful to really think through your budget and make sure you are not allocating every cent. That way you have some money to give. This doesn't seem like rocket science does it. No. But what really hit me, is that the biggest reason why we allocate all our money is because we are motivated by the strong driving force "it is for my kids best". It is for my kids best to get them into a good school and it is for their best to have extramural activities like playing the oboe or flute, it is for my kids best to get extra sports lessons, it is for my kids best to have the latest gadget... So she and her husband have had to really look at this phrase "it is for my kids best" and turn it over and really see if everything that is offered under this label is just that - the best for their children.

So they decided that their kids just go to one extramural that is included in their school fees. Paying for more activities over and above that is just not possible for them - not if they want to share, not if they want to be able to respond to those in need, not if they want to be open to being prompted by the Holy Spirit to give.

And so it is with time. Sally shares that their deicsion to limit extramural activities has also created breathing space with regards to time. Time to be spontaneous to show love & care to those around them. Sally has found if your time is all carved out with playdates, school and extramurals and homework - there is just no time to respond with compassion to those who God brings across your path. Because you are always in a rush, you are needing to be at the next thing that is "for the best of your kids" and so you can't stop, you can't bring that supper, or go build a Habitat house with your kids, or visit the poor, or or or ... respond in the way God is calling you to bring light.

Sally's challenge to us was not that we should stay away from extramurals or playdates, but to know that if we allocate all our time and resources, we will have none to give away. And we will find ourselves living a life that is separate to our heart and our values.

She also called us to see through the big label of ITS FOR MY KIDS BEST. Let God show us what is for our kids best, not the world around us.

Build-a-Bear se voet:)

I've been reflecting on our time together this last Saturday, decorating and clothing teddy bears. I started thinking about Build-a-bear. For those of you who don't know about it, Build-a-bear makes teddy bears, gives it a heart(literally) and then you can custom make it, with all sorts of accessories which costs a fortune. Lovely idea but costs the earth. So we kind of did a build-a-bear thing this last Saturday. Only difference is, some of the little ones, put THEIR hearts into it, to such an extent, that it was pretty sad for them to say goodbye to their bears. Some tears were shed. They put THEIR creativity, THEIR ribbons and buttons and masks, THEIR time, THEIR ideas into it. It came at a cost. This time, we didn't give away used toys. Toys they've gotten bored of. They didn't give away used clothes, clothes they've grown out of. They didn't give away tinned food, food their mommies bought. They gave away something of themselves. It was sacrificial, compassionate and kind...but it was hard. I think for the first time, we got it. All of us. We gave of ourselves. We had to dig a little deeper. I'm not calling myself to ascetism. I'm not wanting to put my children through trauma for the sake of making a point on serving the poor. I'm calling us all to think about our giving. Am I doing this Kids for Justice as another tick in the box of a fun activity, which has a spin-off of giving to the poor? Am I giving away my kids clothes, because it clutters up my space and has reached its usefulness in their lives? Or am i giving something away because, it's good quality, even new, still useful to me, but i don't need it as much? I'm speaking of myself here. my reflections. I'm also not discrediting the things we have given away, but rather re-examinng the motives and reasons behind it. Am I putting my HEART into it? Maurietta Stewart(still learning)

Rubbing shoulders

It's one thing to demonstrate our values to our children. They see how we choose compassion instead of ignoring the beggar at the traffic light. We find ways to include them in our acts of generosity, encouraging them to give rather than always take, always focus on getting. As we explore how to build friendships across cultural and economic barriers, our kids experience that it is OK to have friends that are different. Sometimes we might even share with them our pain at the brokenness in our country, our anger that the unfair ways that many are treated. Our kids can't help but taste, see and feel what is in our hearts.

It is another thing to share all of this with the other moms with whom we rub shoulders at play groups, moms groups, whilst waiting to fetch our kids from school or as we chat at a playdate intiated by our children. Some of these moms have the same faith as us, others not. Some of these moms are caught up in the culture of materialism, status and performance. This is not surprising given that the suburbs where we live are stewing in the values of "having the most stylish house" and "wearing the trendiest clothes" and "going to the right schools" and "having that holiday home" and and and.

So do we just keep our heads down and try to get through these encounters moms who value different things to us; or are these opportunities for the Kingdom. Are these moments where we can shine the light of passion for justice and restoration and compassion? Of course we long to be real and authentic. We desire to have integrity, not hiding parts of our selves that might be different. But  know that when we share our hearts for social justice it may not be understood, and it may not be well received. We know that the light of social justice shines on how we spend our money, how we give and how much, how we treat those working for us in our homes, how we view those who are different, how we view those who are poorer, and many other life choices. We know that these issues provoke a strong response, they are not nuetral, polite conversation fillers. People get offended, not wanting to change, angry at the guilt that might rise in their hearts. They may not want to hang out with us again. They may not want their kids to play with our kids. Yet other people will be convicted, just like we have, and start looking at how to live life differently, they will be drawn to the hope we have that God's kingdom is advancing to bring hope to the hopeless and freedom for the captives.

So I encourage you moms, to rest in the Holy Spirit, to receive love and affirmation in your Father's arms so that you can shine your life, your passion, your views, your life-changing decisions as you rub shoulders with other moms. That you will be your whole self - not just the part of your self that won't offend or be controversial. That you will speak truth in love. That your words would be salt and light and like a double-edge sword. That your heart will never judge, but always love. And that God will use us to share his heart for reconcilitation and restoration of this nation with the mothers that we encounter in our every day lives.